September 05, 2017

A tale of transition




Don't mind the title, it's just me trying to be dramatic. Nevertheless, the wait is over (still dramatic!). This picture spoke to my heart. Perhaps, you'll understand at the end of this short piece.

The anxiety started in 2012. I was scared to the bones. I was afraid to fail (I didn't start with a very good GP). Sometimes, I was scared to talk/act (they're just too many smart people in my class... Damn.  Why y'all gotta be so smart?) Then, I became scared to stay strong. Scared to love. Scared to have friends. Scared to trust (I really had trust issues as an undergraduate). Scared to hurt others.  Scared to be irrelevant. Scared to eat.  Scared to sleep.  I was too scared and as a result, there were too many regrets, and too many apologies.

My heart was knotted, and not in a fancy way. It was knotted with fear and fear of failure, it was telling on my esteem, and I knew I had to erode the fear, I started by challenging myself. I wasn't scared to pray, and I prayed all the time.  I wasn't scared to ask questions.  I wasn't scared to famz people. I wasn't scared to make a few friends (eventually). I wasn't scared to read (lol...  dare not).  Wasn't scared to be talked about. Wasn't scared to laugh (oh…  I'm known for this) or be laughed at.  Wasn't scared to be short and skinny (do I have a choice?). Wasn't scared to impact knowledge. Ultimately, I wasn’t scared to be a success.

I focused on myself, and I'm grown now.

One time, someone asked- how come you have so much faith in God.  I replied- I'm evidence of faith. Plus, you just have to believe in something anyway.
Now, with no regrets and no apologies, confidently, and with utmost conviction…LL.B over and out! 

#ontothenextone #lawschoolLoading #Lawyerinabit #Mysuccessstory


February 21, 2017

Can you stay happy always?








Photo Credit: psychologytoday







Every day is a new day,

and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on. 
-- Carrie Underwood



First things first, it is important to note that not everything that glitters is gold, and not everything that is bought ought to be sold. (Well, of course, that’s just the dumb in me trying to rhyme like my silly ass Bunkie and her friends). Point is, I cannot categorically say that I am always happy. I'm working towards it though, I promise.

Well, I must have said it before somewhere on this blog, that image is film trick. In fact, most smiles are not genuine. However, the difference between “no smile” and  a “fake smile” is that one makes you look younger, helps manage stress and anxiety, and makes you look more attractive i.e. less unsightly.

I realized that I have asked myself this particular question several times, and my inner man keeps telling me it’s possible.

So, according to lifehack, you should exercise more, think positively, trash negative thoughts, treasure your experiences more than your possessions (now that’s deep), write down the things you are grateful for, help others, focus on yourself etc.

How about trying very simple things such as, appreciating everything life throws at you? And I sincerely mean the good, the bad and the ugly. How about that moment when you feel like things are not all cozy and exciting, just look back at those who do not have as much as you do, who are not as healthy or complete as you are?

 Try not to stay mad at yourself for so long, always believe that things happen for a reason and that there’s a positive side to everything, including events that are painted in negative.

Quit focusing on things that make you sad, cease worrying about certain people, the ones that exhibit characters similar to that of a fallen angel, they are the ones who stress you, and scold you, they just want absolute control over your life.

Make friends instead with people who value you, and believe that as long as you're happy, nothing else matters. Change the things you can about you, but most importantly, accept who you are, because if you do not, no one else will.

#Musings



February 05, 2017

The Brotherhood


When enduring pain becomes second nature. When the pangs of hunger become soothing. When innocent loved ones suffer from our insecurities. When every morsel is accompanied by a tear. Music, books, aspirations, friends and even kindred cease to matter. All that matters is faith and love. Everyone becomes the enemy except that one. Their reassurance becomes all that we need. Their prayers and their perseverance.

It all seems like self-centeredness. Yet, it feels like the right thing to do – the wrong things seem the most pleasant. Fantasies and Dejavu, unrealistic thoughts and aspirations. We refuse the right thing to do- to tour the bridge of reality. Yet reality is what it is. Reality is what we are faced with. It is what life throws at you. Reality is aligning with every test of patience and endurance. Reality is having a drunk for a father. Reality is the thoughts of a mother dying of cancer. Reality is heartbreaking. Reality is almost intolerable. Reality is envy, guilt, suspicion and dissatisfaction. Reality is you, me and what we feel.


Of this tripartite brotherhood, hope is the clog in the wheel. It challenges pain and reality. Hope is staying alive for those who love us. Hope is getting your hands dirty- embracing all the dung life throws at you. Hope is not posterity, hope is now. Hope is staying true- standing firmly under the shades of faith. Hope is appreciating immortality. Hope is creating the best memories with music, books, aspirations, friends, family and of course, devouring your one true love.

Re *bound



Photo Credit: vixendaily
She stood at the end of the bathroom and stared idly at the window railing until she noticed a wall gecko; it had skin so tender that it made her envious.She thought of how all the time, her ma calls her recalcitrant -all the time, and how much she reminds her of how heedless she's been.  She turned to gaze at the mirror- at her own fine face, pimple-free; except for one scar right there on her left cheekbones, one she gifted herself on her tenth birthday, due to heedlessness. She stared into the mirror again, at the strange face. Perhaps, when he called her glamorous, he meant that.

She thought of how much he hurt her without even knowing it. They were together for six months; she had been everything for him all those months- a girlfriend, a wife, a sister, a friend, his support, and his sex machine. She had been na├»ve, gullible and all through, a rebound. Days went by and every time they french kiss, he spoke the other woman’s name quietly. In bed, he compared both of them; he confessed once that he desperately wanted her to be like the other woman. Passion first, then anger, and exchange of words, and it all ends him apologizing by taking her to one of those Cinderella kinds of dinners.

She had hoped that things would work out between them; he seemed perfect; a fine face, when he smiles, she’s thrown off balance, the way he says her name, his touch- her Mr. Right, she was certain. By the end of the first month, she had met his mother and siblings, and she could tell that they all loved her.

Shamefully, it all ended this morning. The other woman came back and when she ranted about giving him her innocence, he didn’t even have the decency to apologize, he just walked away. Perhaps he did right, he told her from the very first night that he wasn’t sure he was ready to move on but she was convinced.

She stared into the mirror again; the wall gecko was still there. She realized it was dead already, and then she started to snivel again. Why didn’t she listen carefully to her ma when she told her horrible stories of men? That true love is a thing of the past. To him, she had served her purpose- the distraction he desired.

August 15, 2016

Effervescence


“Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.” – John Grisham


Effervescence 

i. Bubbling of a solution due to escape of gas
ii. synonymous with vitality: excitement, enthusiastic and full of energy

Countless times, I hear people say stuff like “just be yourself”, “just do your own thing” and certain questions keep popping up in my head, questions such as: who is yourself? What does it mean to be you? Whether or not to consider the opinions of other people when "trying" to be you?


Non-conformity is an art, if you do not possess it, then at least do yourself the favour of learning it.
I have persistently learnt, and the hard way I must confess, that when people express how they feel about you, it actually is… irrelevant. You already have a lot of stuff on your mind, people that don't count should not be a plus to that.

As a general rule, any opinion of you held by another person doesn’t count. People that matter are the only exception to that. My Mum matters, so does her opinion of me, my boyfriend matters, so does his opinion of what I do. One would realize that the circle of those that actually matter is closed and candidly, the extent of how much their opinions matter is not exactly absolute.

Do whatever it is that makes you happy (weird and/or stupid things are not exempted, so long it's legal and not against public policy), make a habit of improving yourself; read books, learn a skill or a new hobby, learn how to dance, spend a lot of time with loved ones.

You should also understand that life, as well as people, is never as serious as we make it seem. Ignore side talks, ignore countenances, be a good listener. As a matter of fact, you can not be the best at everything but strive to be the best at being you, that’s all that matters. Life is not a friggin’ competition you know!

Make fun of yourself when you do silly things because other people do too, it goes a long way in boosting your self- esteem.

In sum, pending the time when you start to rule your own world and learn stand tall, you won’t stop getting bullshit thrown at you. Appreciate yourself always and up until you realize that you are magnificent, people would not realize that either.

The rantings continue shortly.


August 05, 2016

TODAY’S SHIELD


 












Photo Credit: shutterstock





Today is the day I would tell a tale of past and present
and the day in itself is scary.

I have lost it,
it was as lily-livered and counterfeit as my smiles used to be,
nevertheless, it was my shield.

Until he came along, he deprived me of it in toto
like a foundling denied of breast milk.

Today, I have come around and he is not here,
he is distracted,
and so I stand alone
crying quietly, cursing him,
quietly ruminating on his love for me
and his blood-curdling use of words;

 I await our simultaneous death, and
my only regret is that I cannot leave you uncontaminated

Here and now, I realize
That his decorous fondness for me is the real shield
Today is the day I shut out falsehood and become brand new.


August 04, 2016

Why People don’t actually take you seriously

This post is procured from personal experiences thus, there’s going to be a lot of personalizing.  

I’ve had several people ask me how I command respect considering the fact that I’m “so smallish”. In all honesty, the fact that I’m small is actually a disadvantage, ask Dija, ask Dr. Sope, my role model.  However, one thing I’ve learnt is that discipline is not attributable to physical appearance and until you realize that among other things, you won’t be taken seriously, ever.

What puts me at a further disadvantage is the fact that I have a naturally smiling face in addition to looking about 6 years younger than my actual age. But when I get to the other end, I can be very rude, cold and snobbish, but that’s not reality, what is reality is that I don’t talk when I’m not spoken to, I mind my own business  and where I’m a stakeholder in the discussion, I don’t talk unless I have a relevant point to contribute. I don’t talk to unserious people, and yeah, I’m a snob to snobs.

Funny enough, there have been times I don’t take “bigger” people serious. I’ve met a lot of gigantic people and when they open their mouth to speak, what goes on in my mind is “you’ve got to be kidding me; this guy/girl/man/lady is just a joke, right?”
If there is any other thing I’ve learnt, it’s the art of wearing the right dress for the right occasion. At corporate events, I’ve had people call me “baby lawyer”, “serious madam”, “small boss” but trust me, it’s better than when you're asked where your mum is.

Forget about size now, I’ve met a lot of perceived sarcastic people and quite a number of them are annoying (especially the ones that try so hard), they cannot draw a clear line between sarcasm and mockery. When you crack a joke, and you’re gonna say something else that’s a bit more serious, employ phrases like “joking apart” or “that was on a lighter note”.

Read books outside what you’re studying or your field of expertise as the case may be, knowledge is tantamount to seriousness; reading exposes you to places you might never go to all your life.

Another critical question is HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU? I was at an informal gathering recently and there was this really tall and boxy guy and you could tell he was in his early thirties; he kept making reference to his teenage years around the early 2000s. This guy was extremely rude even to older people; I think his stature was playing too much with his head. I waited for the right moment when he said something that was totally off point and I just took my cue, I remember saying “Sweetheart, that’s not what obtains, its actually blah blah blah”.

I was able to give him a piece of my mind because I was confident, I knew what I was saying and that made me appear way smarter than he seemed. On a normal day, I’d have called him a Sir and probably used e (sign of respect in Yoruba) whenever we switched to speaking Yoruba, unfortunately, he wasn’t worth it.


Lest I forget, quick questions: how dedicated are you at the things you do? How organized are you? Do you have a to-do list or you habitually procrastinate? And yeah, do you actually take yourself serious?

July 31, 2016

Benefits of being a Seasoned Introvert


“Solitude matters, and for some people, it's the air they breathe” - Susan Cain



Dictionary.com defines introvert as ‘a shy person’, and from the psychology angle,‘a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings’.

Okay, I’m gonna start with a very short story. Last week was Enactus Nigeria National competition where #weallwin and I was one of the presenters from my school. Yeah, I know it’s not meant to be a big deal but a lot of people made it seem like it is. Reason? I’m an introvert and I am naturally not expected to do stuff like “speaking before a large hall”, since I’m a nue nue kind of person (someone actually called me that).

We did not win quite alright, but I was able to prove that the presentation last year wasn’t a fluke neither was it by chance. In all honesty, I wasn’t just a presenter, I made sure I left a mark there. 

What seemingly “burst” some heads is the fact that after the whole show, I actually went back to being me- the introvert who’ll rather sit in the bus than engage in unnecessary chit chat.

Like most of us already know, introvert is a personality trait, and it’s usually not something can be changed easily (I really do not think there is a need to), it takes a lot of hard work and practice.

Many times, people think it’s really hard being an introvert especially when you have taken up a leadership position or you belong to professions like law, teaching or journalism that require a lot of discussions and networking. But trust me, all things being equal, it’s nothing but a piece of cake and you'll understand why in subsequent paragraphs.

Being an introvert does not translate to lack of confidence, shyness or low self-esteem.
When anyone says to you that you’re missing out on all the stuff extroverts do, let them know that extroverts as well miss out on the unique things you do. 

An introvert doesn’t get to meet people; wrong- an introvert doesn’t get to meet unnecessary people. An introvert doesn’t talk, he is not able to express himself blah blah- another misconception; an introvert is not chatty and he talks only when he has to (when it is of essence), he saves energy and comes up with something spectacular when it’s high time.

Furthermore, as an introvert, you are able to think deeply about issues ranging from relationships to situations, you are able to study people and the environment in which you find yourself. You are a creative thinker, a critical thinker, a dangerous learner and it becomes very easy to discover the things you have passion for.
Most importantly, survival without people is easier for you than it is for the next person who is an extrovert.

One last thing, especially when it comes to relating with people, nobody expects so much from introverts, what we then do is to make good use of that opportunity and blow their minds. 

As Dau Voire reasoned, "I'm very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity".